Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
It's shark week go big or go home
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
