$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
