Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
