You kept calling me your small dog last night.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
