she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
