quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
We're too hungover to prance.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
