Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Bring me that man meat
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
