i think i have two assholes
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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