it wasn't lemon gatorade
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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