the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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