Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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