I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
