Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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