you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
