omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
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