Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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