Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
