don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
