Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
