come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Green mimosas i think yes
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
