dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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