bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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