Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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