So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
