farters have to be the big spoon...
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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