She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Enjoy the penises
Randomize
