the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
