Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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