Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
