i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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