'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
