Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
