Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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