Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
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