he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
