Soap is not a condiment
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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