Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
