I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
