I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
