the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
