does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
That was an excessively violent trivia night
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
