Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
