My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
