His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
