remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
