so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
