What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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