Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You made out with two different species that night
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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