I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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