They should really pass out barf bags in church
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
