Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Well I just put wine in my tea
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
