he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You are the jesus of drinking
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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