You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
